sfloreen

Went out with my mother last week, and found out my paternal grandfather is dead.  He died three years ago from cancer.  What really got me, aside from the fact I did not get to say good-bye to the man who took care of me for most of my teenage years, was that no one had the decency to tell me until my mother let it slip.  She had assumed I had already known since I had seen my father last October, but the man hadn't even had the respect for the man who had taken care of him for years to even give the guy one thought.  I knew my father was a self centered bastard, but this has only made it worse.  I even mentioned that my maternal grandfather was in the hospital with cancer at the time (the same thing that killed my paternal grandfather) and he couldnt' even mention it to me.
It's been three years since grandpa died.  What am I supposed to do?  Do I mourn him as if it just happened, or do I simply accept the fact that he is gone, and that I missed my chance to tell him good-bye?

Why do I feel I should try to live up to the standards of other men.  They make me feel like crap 90% of the time.  It's not even my husband doing it, it's a bunch of guys who should me absolutely nothing to me, but because I don't live up to their standards, I feel like I'm not as much of a person.  They say I'm not a good mother, I'm not a good mother.  They say I'm not a good wife, I'm not a good wife.  It's all because I don't have a job, is what most of the problem is, and it's getting on my nerves, especially since most of the men judging me as a bad person also don't have jobs, and are having women support them.  Since when did men got to be so annoying that they don't feel like they have to work, but can judge every woman who does not.  If they're living off the sweat of women, some of whom they won't even marry, why should they have the right to judge others.  Okay, so I'm just a little irritated over some of the things people have been telling me of late, and how they've been treating me and others.  It's getting to be just too much.  If it weren't for my husband, how nice he is and how much I care for him, I honestly think I would be interested in the wrong gender.

Well, it's been a bit since I was last here. Lost my last monitor, and have just been too nervous about losing this one (that my mother gave me) to feel like chancing using it too much until now. Have been saving it for doing on-line surveys (which doesn't pay well as you would be led to believe), and that's about it.
Hubby is out doing a book signing today, and I'm still waiting to hear from a publisher on the novel I sent in over two months ago.
Got a Nintendo Wii this month (used and an incredibly good deal on the thing), and am going out near the end of the month to get a game or two for it. Only problem is that the game I really, really want is next to impossible to find, and I'll be lucky if I can get it anywhere but off of amazon. Also thinking of getting the kids a guinea pig. Think it's finally time to get the little ones a pet. Also thinking of picking up the first Harry Potter book. Have been curious about that set for a while, and finally found a place to get them in paper back for not too much.
Still working on writing, just started up again yesterday. Wishing a publisher would take the first book, cause I think the set I'm working on would go over well, but it can't do a thing if no one will publish it. Just because I have neither an agent or are already published, and that's causing me problems getting on anywhere.
Have been watching a lot of Babylon 5 of late, unfortunately, I've only got the first season, so here in a few days, I'll be out of new episodes to watch. Guess I could rewatch the show, but I've got so many things sitting around waiting to be watched. Haven't even seen an episode of StarGate Atlantis in about six months, and am really missing that show.


Best Sci-Fi Show ever!!

Okay, so my brother in law has taken up a baby sitting job watching four kids for ten hours at a dollar an hour.  When we asked him to watch our kids, we could only be gone for an hour and a half, and it had to be a dollar per kids per hour we were gone.  Well, my husband asked him to watch the kids for us today, and he said he couldn't watch our kids because they were all retarded idiots.  He had the nerve to say that the kids he watches now are so much better than mine because none of them are disabled.  I have two children that have been diagnosed with autism, something that is no one's fault in the least, and the little bastard has the nerve to carry on that they are so retarded that no one can watch them for us.
Bastard!

Okay, so I found some places on the internet that pay you for taking surveys, and I have spent like the past two weeks setting up accounts at these places cause I could really, really use some money of my own.  Alright, so my husband buys me most of the things I want, and my mother buys me the rest, but I feel like such a leech doing that all the time.  Wanting my own spending money so I can stop with the pathetic dog eyes to get what I want.  So, doing on line surveys.  I've read that some people make up to four hundred a month doing that, but I really don't see how, and you have to be so careful with the ones you join, because a lot of them seem to what you to spend a lot of money just to get a few bucks, which is not what I signed up for.  Ask me questions, pay me money.  And all the junk email you get after signing up for these things.  My spam file at yahoo is so huge each day it's not even funny, and I go through all of the eighty emails to make sure it's not something I need to delete.  But, hey, I am making a few bucks (note the word few)  Just started doing these, so I'm going to give it some time before I call this plan at money making a failure (well, I am making a few bucks, and compared to no bucks at all, that is an improvement, more or less)

Man, I just logged on to LJ and noticed my last update was three weeks ago.  What the hell have I been doing?  Honest, haven't a clue.  Lets see....Have a contract for Potato to be published, but they want over 700$ to do it.  I'm doing books to make money, not to spend enormous sums of it, so that's a bit of a bust.  Hubby is looking into self-publishers for me, but they all want a bit more than we have right now.
Trying to get The Storms of Tresworld published, and should know by next week if it will be accepted or not.  Sent it to the same place I sent Potato, but with a different punch-line, telling them all these grand marketing schemes I had (they wanted me to pay for the marketing with Potato, and all the things they wanted me to pay for I could do myself).  Told them this time that I could do all the stuff they wanted me to pay for with Potato, but I'm figuring they'll still ask for money.  That just sucks. 
Working on the second Tresworld novel, and have it almost done.  Maybe another couple of weeks and it'll be finished.
Have now seen every last episode of StarGate SG-1 and just found out that the fifth season of Atlantis will be out June 30th.  Can't wait to finally see the last season of Atlantis.
Have been playing a lot of a video game called harvest moon.  You're a farmer who lives in a village and takes care of crops and animals.  There's festivals at the village and girls to date (there is a version where you're a girl with boys to day, but I don't have that one as my husband has yet to find it and get it for me.  Keep telling him it's on amazon.com, but he's looking around where we live to find it first before he finally breaks down and orders it for me).
Well, think that's about it.

Got an email from a publisher yesterday.  They're interested in my children's books about a little, red bear named Potato.  I sent them the manuscript and three of the illustrations I have done for the book.  Now I just have to hope the pictures weren't too terribly bad for them.  Hubby liked them, and the kids really loved the pictures ( they got all the reject pictures)  Got my fingers crossed there.  Can't believe that out of all the stories I'm trying to get published something I wrote just for fun is getting the most attention.

Lost the writing contest I entered.  At least I got a very nice rejection letter from the publiser explaining that I'm great when it comes to description and not that good when it comes to telling a story.  Hope my novels do better.  I'm not grand at short stories, have no idea why I even tried that.

On a more up beat note, I've started writing children's stories called Potato.  They follow a little, red teddy bear named Potato through his many adventures.  I'm trying to get together the art supplies I'll need to do the illustrations myself.  I'm wanting water colors as they look nice and they are something I've worked with, even took a course in water color painting in college.  I've got a total of four Potato stories, and a number of picture ideas.  I think I can have one book finished in very short order as soon as I get the supplies for them.

Well, Hubby is out taking his mother to the doctor today, so I've got some time to myself.  What did I do with all my extra time...Changed the look of my blog on myspace.  Boy was that time well spent.  Well, I did work on seven pages in my writing today, so I guess I should be happy about that.  Still haven't heard from a single publisher, but I really shouldn't expect anything before March.  Man, I hate waiting.
Did make some new icons yesterday.  Not the best.  I'm terrible at icons (why do I have to such so bad at so many things I'd like to be good at.  Well, maybe if I got a better paint program, that might help.)
Think I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon watching Star Trek and maybe a bit of Stargate.  I'm really wanting to watch the episode Legacy again because I thought that one was just so cool, but I've still got just under five seasons of the show to watch, and I really should go through all the discs to make sure they play, even though I don't want to.  Wish I had a high speed connection.  There were so many other things I wanted to do today, but the internet is so slow for me that it takes forever to get anything done.  Sigh.

Well, it's sunday, my internet day, and I'm bored.  Why am I bored?  I have no idea.  Even the internet doesn't seem that entertaining today.  Maybe if I had a high speed connection I'd try watching a vid or two, or doing some decorating at some of my accounts (still need ot fix up the emo icons here, and looking through other's user icons, man, I wish I had some better ones.  Actually thinking of just deleting most of the ones I've got to find better ones)
Still can't get the new ditigal channels.  Think I'm just going to have to give in and buy a new antenna if I want to watch tv after June. 
Hubby did the sweetest thing yesterday.  He went to the store and came back carrying all these sacks.  He dropped the stuff off, and said he had to go back and get the rest.  Well, he's coming across the yard with a sack of bread in his hand, and nothing else.  I was thinking "Well, you silly thing, you could have just left one or two sacks you lugged up last time if all you had to carry this time was one, little sack of bread."  He got to the door, and I was about to tell him that, when he pulls out a bouqet of roses from behind his back.  I thought that was just the sweetest thing.  He's so sweet.
Well, I'm going to look for better icons now, I think.
Later.

Well, let's see...this week I managed to cut open my hand on a broken glass while doing dishes.  Sliced right through the flesh between my thumb and forefinger.  Had to wrap it in gaze for a few days to let the wound heal, and it still looks a bit nasty.  Went out with mom, and picked up some toys for the kids, treats and Star Trek Alternate Realities DVD collection.  Had breakfast at McDonalds, and actually got to sit and talk a bit (granted, it was only for fifteen minutes as the two of us eat as if someone is going to come by and snatch our food from us if it isn't gone if three seconds after we sit down)
Trying to figure out these new digital broadcasting signals.  Can get the one channel that is doing it so far, but not very well.  The stupid thing goes out constantly, making it impossible to even think about enjoying a show (thank goodness for all the new DVDs I've been getting lately)  Think I've got the wrong sort of antenna for it, but no one else I know either needs the silly things because they have cable, or is trying to set their tv up yet since the stations are still broadcasting in analog until June.  Not sure why they had to change over anyway.  Seems like more of a hastle than anything else to me.
Kids haven't been sleeping well of late, and therefore, neither have I.  Middle child doesn't see the doctor to get put on meds until March 12th, almost a full month away.
Hubby got me a huge, expensive box of chocolates for Valentines day (Love that dear, sweet, sweet man)  Man, those were good.  Even the nasty candies tasted devine! 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!!

So frustrated today. It's the perfect day to be doing that one stargate site where you get points for doing different things, and trade those points in for stargate stuff, but there is nothing there. Nothing! The entire site, minus some profile info and the redemtion center, are all blank. Not sure if there's a glitch or if the site is going down, but I'm not happy. I'm 4,000 points away from the StarGate Continuum movie, and if they're not going to be giving away any more points, I don't have enough points to get anything but one season of Atlantis, and I've already got all those. Argh!!!

Maybe it'll be back up tomorrow. Maybe it'll be back up tomorrow. Maybe it'll be back up tomorrow. Argh!!! I was so looking forward to getting that movie!!!

Cheer me up pictures.
( pictures )

Well, I just sent in one of my novels to a publisher.  I've sort of done that once, but that place didn't ask for half as much as this place wanted.  I had to do a query letter (cross fingers that I did it right), a synopsis of the book (cross fingers that I did that right) the first three chapters (If I didn't do that right, I really shouldn't be writing) and a promotional plan (came up with a few ideas, but not many)  I think I'm so nervous over this one because it took so much planning and work before hand to send the stuff in.  The last place I sent my book to, I just sent a short letter on what it was and the first three chapters, but never heard back from them.  I should know in 4-6 weeks if I did everything right and if they're interested enough to accept the rest of the manuscript to go over. 
The manuscript itself is about 4 years old, and hasn't been proof read in all that time.  I'm reading over it now, but thought I'd just go ahead and send them the first three chapters since I've got them read over already.  I'll need to do some editing before I send them the full thing, as it's about 4,000 words to big and they want no xxx rated stuff at all, so I've got to get rid of a few scenes, but I didn't like them anyway, so that shouldn't be too hard.
Good luck to me.

Well, took Wen to the doctor today.  He couldn't do anything for her because he's not a specialist, but he gave me a number for someone who should be able to help her.  He did say that he felt sure she was either ADD or ADHD, and Bi-polar.  Great, I've got a hyper active child who's also manic/depressant.  Well, at least they say there's medicines for those things that might make her better.  Just as long as she starts sleeping at some point, and quits clawing at herself.  She did real good at the doctor's.  Not a single problem there.  She just sat there playing with different things.  There was this little table and chairs for children there, and she moved two of the chairs together and kept asking me if I would sit in one of them while she sat in the other one.  I thought that was pretty cute.  She had some blood work done, but she wasn't too bad about that, either.  She did try to pull away from the people with the needle, but at least she didn't try to kick in their shins like I was worried she might try to do.

Been watching an anime called Susuka with my husband.  That one's not too bad, but it's a bit more predictable with the story line than I would have cared for.  We're about a third of the way through it.  Next we're going to finish off the third season of Dark Shadows, and then watch an anime that's name I could not possible spell if I needed to.  It takes place well over a hundred years ago, and in France, so the names are a bit difficult to either remember or spell.  Every time I mention the show, I have to say to my husband "You know, the French one with the name I can't remember."  It's a pretty neat, if very strange, show.  This guy losses his sister (she's killed), and every time he gets in trouble after her death, she posseses his body and kills whoever's threatening him.  I know, I said it was weird, but I sort of like it.

About half way through the fifth season of SG-1.  After that, it's back to episodes I've seen, but I didn't record the last three seasons, so it's been a while since I've seen them, meaning they're about as good as new for me.  I skipped season four, since I've seen it lately, and I'm thinking of skipping season six, since that was the first season of SG-1 that I got to see, and I've seen most of those episodes like a dozen times.

Finished all the seasons of Buffy I've got.  I honestly think the fourth one was my favorite so far.  I don't know, I was skeptical at first, but it turned out better than I had thought it would.  Have no idea when I'll get to see any more of those, though. 

Man, I have no idea why I belong to all these different communities here.  I don't participate in half of them, and have no time to really read the other half.  I just skim through my friend's page, and read over a few of the entries there, but I really don't check much out.  Wish I had the time for some of it, but that's something that's become hard to come by.  Oldest daughter seems to never sleep.  I'm up for four to five hours at night, fetching her drinks and getting her things to make her comfy, and then my son is up an our or two after she finally goes to sleep, and I get next to no rest myself, then I've got all the things to do during the day.  If I get thirty minutes to myself, I have to spend them resting because of how tired I am from lack of sleep.  It's getting bad.

I haven't seen the last season of Atlantis yet, but I'm assuming there was an episode called Vegas, and it seems pretty popular.  I've seen perhaps half a dozen things related to it, but I haven't had the time to check any of them out yet.  Thinking of doing that while I'm up tonight.  Eagerly waiting to see the final season, but that won't be until it comes out on DVD.  The channel we get that had Atlantis canceled it after season three, so without the DVDs I wouldn't have seen season four or five.  Why can't the sci-fi channel be a local channel?

Man, I really need to check up on things more often.  I've recently discovered the joys of amazon.com. and can't seem to pull myself away from that site.  I've set up a little wish list for myself (to keep track of things I'm wanting and give my hubby ideas on what to get me for presents when he runs low on ideas), and have reviewed a few things, which is fun even if I suck at reviewing stuff. 

Still waiting to hear from the two publishers I sent two of my novels out to.  Not too hopeful on one anymore since it is historical, in a fashion, and written in the form of the time period I placed it in.  I've recently learned that histroical works are no longer very popular at all, and so that kind of put a downer on that project.  Crappy thing is, I haven't heard a word from the other publisher, and none of their stuff has been updated in months, as far as I can tell, so I have no idea if they are even still in business.

Think I saw the final episode of Air TV last night.  There's one volume left to watch, but the last episode on disk three not only says final episode, but also seems to do a good job of ending the story.  Could be wrong there.  Man, did I just ball at the end of it.  I usually try not to cry at things, especially if people are in the room with me, and my husband was watching the show with me, but I couldn't help it.  And I didn't cry those nice, silent tears that a person might not notice if you do it right.  I sobbed so hard, my husband pulled me close and told me over and over it was alright.  Yeah, it had a sad ending.

Well, for some reason I feel compelled to go back to amazon, so I'm ending this for now.

Well, my husband and I have been getting along real well of late.  He went out shopping with his mother Monday (he drives her where she needs to go), and while he was out he got me this adorable, little, red teddy bear.  I've named him Potato.  We went out Tuesday and ate at a little oriental place here in town, and that was fun as well.  We get to go out, just the two of us, so little due to the kids and lack of baby sitters. 

Our oldest son had a dentist appointment yesterday, and that didn't go too bad.  There was a little Mexican boy there.  My son has trouble speaking due to his condition, and the little boy didn't speak English well, so the two sort of sat there jabbering at each other.  It was so cute.  And then Val went back to get his teeth cleaned.  Everytime the dentist said thank you, Val said you're welcome regardless on if he had something in his mouth or not.  Then, when it was all over, he stood up, turned to the dentist and said, "Thank you very much for your help, Doctor."  I thought that was so cute.

Finally told my mother my biggest problem with her, and she seemed very understanding.  I think we might be able to get along after all, but I am taking a few months off from seeing her again until I'm sure everything is alright and has settled down.

Entered a writing contest a few days ago.  The prizes are: 1st place a 50$ gift card for amazon.com, 2nd place is a 25$ gift card and 3rd place is a 15$ gift card.  Sort of have my fingers crossed there.  I've even looked about amazon a little to see what I would get if I did happen to win one of those.  I'm thinking either a season of The Dead Zone (15$) or a season of Buffy (25$) as I've got only the first four seasons right now, and will be fininshing season four here soon.  I probably won't win, but it's fun to dream from time to time, isn't it?

Demonic Tome, and on-line magazine, has reprinted my story "Sickness in the Blood" written under the name Selena Floreen in their January issue, a greatest hits.  Apparently I'm good enough of a writer to be considered a greatest hits!!!

Crappy thing is, there's really no point in getting real excited about it.  My family didn't care when I got published the first time.  My mother hasn't even checked the magazine out or asked to read my story, and my grand parents said nothing at all the first time I had it published.  I can't tell the in-laws because that would just make them angry (my feeling like I'm getting somewhere and they're not), and I really don't have any friends that would share in the joy of this accomplishment with me.  I'm really going to be annoyed if I do get a book published and then all of a sudden my family want to have something to do with me.  Friends I wouldn't be upset with.  They shouldn't have to like me or care about what I do, but family...That really irritates me when they want nothing to do with you when you could really need them, but they're flocking all over you when you make something of yourself.

Well, finally told my mother that I need some time to my self.  You wouldn't think e-mailing you mother on a daily basis would be stressful, but it does get to be that way.  She hasn't tried to contact me, so I don't know if she's just doing what I asked, or if she's mad that I asked for the time.  Probably the latter knowing her.  I think the straw that finally broke the camel's back was her telling me that her live in boyfriend (who is unemployed by the way) is remodeling her living room for the second time in three years just because he's bored with how it looks.  My family lives in about half a trailer (the back half needs too many repairs for us to really use it at the time being) and she's telling me about how her nice, lovely looking living room is being remodeled again just because her boyfriend got bored?  Must be nice to get to fix your house whenever you feel like it.  Another thing that irritates me is how her and her family judge my husband when her live in is unemployed and has been the entire time they've lived together.  The guy even carried on to my husband about being responsible.  At least my man pays the bills.  Not like she got a great catch there.  She tries to make him sound better than he is by saying that he fixes things, but then half the time she tells me how his friends come over and help him work on things.  My husband isn't the type to ask for help, so we have no one coming over to our place to fix it up like she does.

Okay, done with that for now.

Had a nice morning.  I spent most of it so far making icons of potato, and posted them to an anime community here.  I even replaced some of my user pics with a couple of the icons I made.  Next, I'm going to sit down to at least one episode of StarGate SG-1. 

Keep your eye on the white dog that pops up around the 30 second mark.